April Showers

Very rainy- but nice- day. April showers bring May flowers? I am almost sick of the rain… It is not just rain anymore- it is cold, too.

Jeramy woke me up this morning. We drove down to a shop in Pigeon Forge, and we had to e ther before Two. After taking as many back roads as possible to avoid all traffic, it turns out- The trip was for nothing. So… We headed for El Jimadors. My favoritest restaurant ever. So- The trip was not an entire waste after all. And I was with J the whole time, which made it even better.

Friday was slow. Nothing special- Nothing new. Kaitiewas kind enough to burn me a CD. We ended up listening to it in third period. I am also almost finished with my painting- And I think it might turn out better than I thought it would. We got prom pictures back, too, which also turned out better than I thought they would. So, Friday was just a whole ‘better than I thought it would be’ kind of day.

Thursday was not a great day. I hate fourth period.

I have quite a bit of homework to do tomorrow- Due Monday. So I am thinking that my Sunday will not be that great either (especially if I see no Bug). But atleast I can say that today made up for the entire week and tomorrow- if it is not so good.

He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

- William Butler Yeats

Poof

Another day of clouds and rain.

School went slow today. I want it to end. I had to spend my art period reading… and doing other homework. I plan on painting tomorrow though. Art always makes me laugh- Jamie and Kaitie are in there. They have to be the funniest girls I have ever met. It is nice to be around people who do not mind acting retarded once in a while… We got Jamie to dance to Micheal Jackson’s “Thriller” today. It was so great.
After school I went to Sarah’s. I haven’t been over there in forever. Becky was also there- It was hard to listen to some of their conversations- I didn’t know ever half the stuff that was going on in their lives, but they caught me up pretty fast.
More homework tonight. I am so tired. Not literally. I am about over being so stressed ALL the time. I want to relax and be able to enjoy my last few years in high school (Even though that is pretty hard to do considering I don’t like people. I mean, I have friends- I just can’t stand those who act as if there is no life outside the walls of Seymour High School). I pray that something inside of me will just click- And Poof! … I become like the guy from Office Space. That would be wonderful.

No Jeramy today. Not only did he leave early from school today, but I will not see him for the rest of the night. Me- Too much homework. Him- Church. I plan on going with him to another Wednesday night at Southside sometime soon… If I ever have the chance with all this homework.

The interview went well. Although I find myself praying they do not call me to tell me the “good” news. I cannot handle it. I know this for sure…

Digging My Own Grave

I am officially finished with my mosaic and moving toward better things. I already have a sketch for my next painting. I am excited- Something I can actually do.
I stayed after school today with Chris. We sat in the sun, which felt nice- If you disregarded the sudden winds pulling your paper right out of your hands, laughing while you had to set everything aside to get up and chase it… Crazy wind. Honestly, Chris, how can it be your favorite? You know storms are better! Atleast they’re less annoying…
There is a big chance I will stay after school again sometime- To receive help, and to enjoy the company of friends I do not get to hang out with outside the classroom.
School itself pretty much fell in the same category it always does- “Inhaled Most Vigorously.”
Although the stress is eating at me a little more each day- I was able to spend a little time with Jeramy today. He always gives my confidence a shove, and he helps place everything in a perspective that I can handle. I honestly do not know how I could have made it through this year without him.
I have an interview tomorrow for a job… Wish me luck. I have no idea why I am doing this to myself. Sometimes, I swear I am digging my own grave. Who knows how I plan to handle school and a job. School handles the job pretty well itself. But I figure, the job opening was by chance- And I am pretty sure God knows what I can handle and what I can’t. If I am not meant to have it- I won’t. But if I am meant to experience this type of pressure and learn something from it- I will.

Heading for a Breakdown

My Sunday did not go as planned. I spent ALL day working on homework and trying to get caught up in some of my classes. I really wanted to go to church tonight, but that didn’t happen. I wanted free time to do something other than gaining a headache, and that didn’t happen either. Now I am sitting here try to figure out what is wrong with our computer and why it doesn’t print anything- like it doesn’t even get the message to print something. I think the cords are not hooked up right.
I am really tired of this school year. And I wish it would end. I have said this a million times, but it never seems to be getting any closer.

I am stressed out, and I’m heading for a breakdown…

Last Night

The Thunderstorms last night were incredible. The power went out, of course, when Jeramy was over. He left a little while later. I was using the light from my cell phone as a guide back to my room. I was hoping it would thunder some more- So I could sleep to it, but I believe it was pretty much over with for the night. If it did thunder again, I wasn’t awake long enough to hear it. I pretty much passed out due to my lack of sleep this week.
I have plenty of Eng. homework to finish today and tomorrow. I guess me and Jeramy will not be hanging out as much as I had planned. But atleast I feel a little better about some of my classes- Thanks to Chris and a few other people who offered to help. Thank you for making it a little easier for me.

Perfect

I must say the weather outside today felt Perfect…

After school I ended up at Jeramy’s. We were watching a movie, but I didn’t get to finish. I had to leave due to my excessive amount of homework.
My fourth period has to be the worse class I have ever taken. Besides American History- But that was because of my lack of interest for the subject… But it was a walk along the beach compared to my Trig class. I have never felt even the slightest bit unintelligent in any class I have ever taken. God has blessed me with the ability to understand things relatively easy. I think He might have skipped the ability to comprehend Trig though. I feel so far behind all the time in there- And it doesn’t help when a younger group of kids fill the class and surround me- Understanding every word the teacher speaks. I dont know what to do except try my hardest and hopefully pass with atleast a B average. And count down the days until the class ends.
I know English is rough, but atleast I am passing that class with an A.

I am looking forward to my Friday. Although most of my weekend will be consumed by English homework, I plan to have a little free time to set aside for Jeramy. : )

A Question

I left school early today. I am so tired, and I really do not feel that well. My day wasn’t going that great either… But- I believe Jeramy’s might have been going even worse. Sometimes I really wish I knew how to make things a little easier for him, but I have come to realize that I might be adding to the problem a little more rather than helping it. I feel as though I have hurt him- when I am not thinking about his feelings- but my own. Selfish… I wish I could be a better listener- Or atleast be the strength he might need to help get him through rough times. I never mean to make him feel as though he has done something to hurt me. I am not good with talking about how I feel- my feelings. I am better at writing them. So, a lot of times- I know he gets confused about how I am feeling or what I am thinking, but I would like to let him know that he never is part of the problem- In fact, he Is the one person who makes everything better. I need him, and I don’t think he realizes it most of the time.
I know that God is always there for me when I need it most. I understand how people can still feel as if they are alone, but that is where faith comes into play. And I have always thought that God sends you someone to cross your path- That will help you when you need it most- Someone you can relate to… In times when you feel as though there is no one else. Jeramy, I think, is that someone-my angel. Well, atleast- he is to me. What do you do when you feel as if you have hurt the one person you care about most?

An Unexpected Phone Call

I was extremely tired today. And I have no doubt in my mind that I will be up late once again trying to finish all of my homework- Which seems to have no definite end. I have been working on it here and there- But it is hard to stay focused when I leave school knowing I will get home and have no time to relax. I will get home, start in the books, and have no time to do anything else other than eat. But I must remember to make time for my favorite TV show, House. It only comes once a week- So I figured, to help with my stress levels- I enjoy an hour out of my night to focus on something else other than my stressful English class.

Before Jeramy’s banquet last night, A friend I haven’t talked to in a couple of months called the house before we left. I was really excited that she called- And cared enough to finally call after all this time. I realize that I have a boyfriend and a bunch of other things in my life that can distract me- and take me away from a lot of my friends. I have felt bad for the longest time- Because this friend in particular was one of the few that didn’t have a boyfriend in the mix when everyone else seemed to. So, of course, she was upset with everyone suddenly forgetting about her. I had promised not to do the same- and promised I would always be there for her… I have noticed I have more than a handful of unfulfilled promises lately.
I was glad she was able to forgive me- and reassured me that it wasn’t my fault. She hasn’t been doing well at all lately (the last few months). She had told me It was so unbelievable that she felt as if she were watching herself in a movie- And had no control over her actions. I ended up talking to her for about three hours, and I believe we didn’t even cover most of it. I was surprised at how honest she was about her whole situation. I know she knows I would never judge her- or criticize her about anything either. But she did tell me something that shook me a little- “I didn’t care if the whole world new about everything- as long as you didn’t.” She explained that I was the one that hurt most when I was disappointed in her.
Over the course of our conversation- I felt no words of wisdom or encouragement that I could offer come to mind. But I did remember to tell her that I missed her, and I would always be here for her.
Hopefully, she has realized her mistakes, but it is up to her to choose her future. No one can change the past, but Everyone can choose your future- And I strongly believe she has made an effort to change.
I am keeping her in my prayers. – This has not been the first time I have prayed for this friend. And I am glad God has sent her to me for help.

Now, English work continues… Hopefully not into the early hours of the morning.

Do your ears hang low?

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o’er your shoulder
Like a Continental Soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

For some reason- This song ended up in my head before Jeramy left my house. I was teaching him the dance to it…

I confess that I make stressful situations for myself. I also noticed that I worry a little too much about things that are not such a big deal after all- Or atleast will not effect me in the future. English is a good example of this. I am really happy that She decided to push our due date back a day. If she wouldn’t have, I most likely wouldn’t have been able to attend Jeramy’s wrestling banquet tonight. Which I am glad I went- Not for the food, of course- which wasn’t very good. At all. I’ll probably never go there again to eat, but I was too interested in Jeramy’s awards anyways. He ended up gettting the Most Outstanding Wrestler Award- which was pretty obvious. It was kind of depressing near the end though- The coach announced had that he would no longer be the head wrestling coach for Seymour before he left…

School went kind of slow today, but what do you expect from a Monday. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
My grandmother has ended up in the hospital once again. It is nothing serious- So the doctors say she will be okay- for now. She will continue to be in my prayers.

Happy Birthday Kyle.