Sleeping Awake

Crazy last couple of days. I finally had my schedule changed to something I would actually enjoy this semester. I might as well enjoy it while I can. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I will be able to stay in my first period due to the amount of moneywe will have to pay. It was bad enough I didn’t get the book we needed the first day of class. And now I believe the class as a whole will be to expensive for my family to afford…

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I had one of those dreams that continue every time you fall asleep. Besides waking up more than four times and tossing and turning all night, the storm we had didn’t help me back to sleep. My dream began in my room. I was sitting there thinking about when my parents would get home, and was starting to get nervous because of the rain. Then I woke up. When it continued, there was a phone call, but I wasn’t able to get to the phone quick enough. The person left a quick message: I believe your parents were in an accident.” I woke up again. I think by then I was kind of feeling like my dream was real. I was in a half-awake-half-asleep state. The dream started again. I was grabbing my keys- running out into the storm to get into my car. I remember stumbling when trying to put the keys in the ignition. I woke up once again, but it was because of the massive dog tht now lives at the bottom of my bed. I fell back sleep. I returned to the dream just as I was hitting another car head-on. I remember slamming into the dashboard.

This was the last sequence of my dreams, but I awoke holding my face. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I was covering my mouth-nose area and was almost in a sitting position. I turned my pillow over, and went to sleep with no dreams I can remember until my mother woke me up for school. When I went to the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and had blood on my face… It looked like it had been seeping from my nose. It was now dry. I went to blow my nose, and blood came running- more than I had expected would, if any. Later, I checked my pillow, which had blood on it also.

I guess you could say I have Very real dreams…

Than Anyone Else

I didn’t have the best morning and afternoon. I think I was upset because I really didn’t know where anyone was with the exception of my mother whom was at work. My headache put me to sleep around 1, and I didn’t wake up until almost 4. The sleep had only strengthened the pain in my head almost to the point where I was unable to see straight.
I regret not being more enthusiatic when Bug walked in after his classes. Besides the headache, I had been a little frustrated when I couldn’t figure out where he was all day. I thought he was going to be getting out at 12:45, which was the truth. He had to stay longer, however, to meet his mother at the bookstore. I didn’t mean to upset him, but I guess he thought I was upset with him, which really wasn’t the case. I am a very moody person. I wish I was able to hide it better than I do.

I am glad Jeramy was able to stay for more than 20 minutes tonight. You never realize how much you miss a person until they are gone for longer than you might expect. I love him very much. He is a very large part of my life right now, and I have no idea what my life would be like without him. It wouldn’t be good, and I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. I think he has shown me a different happy than anyone else ever could.

Emotionless Me

The day was not good. I feel lonely today. There is a distance I can no longer reach. I have no reason to feel like I do now, but I have noticed there really isn’t much of a reason to justify any of my moods. I switch from one emotion to the other so quickly I don’t even remember which one I started with. So, I turn to silence. I have been referred to as “emotionless” more than once at this final stage.

I guess that is the only word to describe it. I would call it “the end.”