The Scream

One of the worst Fridays ever. Actually, I could think of a worse time, but this has been one of the worst ones in a while.

My grandfather is getting worse. I pray, but I know that God should take him. I don’t want him to suffer anymore. And I think he’s ready. The worst part: If he dies, my mother is going alone. So I will not even be able to be at his funeral. Our cars are currently in no shape to take the trip, which means my mother will fly alone and most likely stay for a little over a week…

I had a bad dream today when I decided to take a nap- Considering the day couldn’t get any worse.
I can’t really remember the dream except the Scream. I was screaming and I woke up. I was sweating… and my hands were clenched so tight I had nail marks on my palms.

I don’t know if my bad dream just went along with everything I have been worrying about or everything that has been on my mind…

But I do know that it portrayed exactly how I felt. I want to scream.

From You

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn’t take all this anymore
What would you do?

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I’m not running from you

Kill
Break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You’re killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you…

-30 Seconds to Mars

Dear Diary,

I’ve found myself wondering what could be wrong with me, but didn’t succeed in finding an answer. I am constantly reminded of what I could have done to change things, but now I realize I wasn’t supposed to change anything. Everything is perfect. Perfectly planned. I no longer need answers. I have finally asked the right question. I don’t feel like I need your comfort anymore. My comfort and strength walks with me every day. And He carries me when I am unable to walk any further. I have found my direction. And I am no longer having to look back…

On what could have been.

-Cierra

In My Room

I wasn’t happy with my family last night. And I fought with my mother. I got upset, and ended up spending the rest of the night in my room. Where is that person I used to run to? And why aren’t you here anymore?

I am settled, and bend up
Each corporal agent to this terrible feat.
Away, and mock the time with fairest show:
False face must hide what the false heart doth know.

Stuck Here

I’m stuck here waiting, no longer debatin’
Tired of sittin and hatin’ and making these excuses
For why you’re not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don’t really know what you’ve got till its gone
I guess I’ve had it with you and your career
When you come back I won’t be here and you can sing it

Where’d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you’ve been gone
Where’d you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you’ve been gone
Please Come back home

-Fort Minor

Not a good day. Shouldn’t have thought otherwise. I always get my hopes up…

For nothing.

- Cierra

Hopefully today will be good. Its supposed to rain all day… I like rain, but not when it matches my mood. I cannot wait until graduation. I am over school.

Prison Break tonight? Won’t have anyone to watch it with, but I can’t wait until then.

And the link still doesn’t work, Mandi. I’ll get it eventually.

Monuments and Melodies

You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph

-Incubus

Good day. Again. Stressful, but not. I’ve been praying every chance I get. So many things running through my mind- constantly. But I feel good about everything. Everything will turn out like it should.

Thank you for the visit, Jeramy.

Thursday.

Good day? Uh, church was very powerful last night.

Now I’m sitting here
thinking bout’ you, and the days we used to share
Its driving me crazy, I don’t know what to do,
I’m just wondering if you still care
I don’t wanna let you know, that its killing me,
I know you gotta another life you gotta concentrate, baby

-Aaliyah

Goodbye My Lover

Yes, Mandi. This song did make me cry… Even now.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

-James Blunt