Who am I? The last few days I have been choosing random blog posts I have written over the year… years even. Wow, I was one depressing soul. Where was God during that? Here. He just wasn’t acknowledged. So, back to current news, I’ve been officially moved in for about… Well, a month this weekend. Exciting. Intense. Many things. I love it. I was a real pessimist about the whole thing- not gonna lie- but it turned out to be better than anything I could have imagined. Better than anything I had expected even when I was thinking it would be great. Here’s something you learn pretty fast when you move out: Self-respect (and laundry). I’ve learned more about myself in the last three weeks than I have about anyone else in years.
So, I talked to God yesterday. It was about time. I was wondering why I was feeling so crushed by everything going on in my life, and I realized it was because I wasn’t letting Him help me carry it. College is the biggest test… I would think any Christian faces at this point in their lives. So many temptations and too many distractions. It’s unbelievably easy to get caught up in this life. And it doesn’t even last forever… This, my friends, is my weakness.
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12:9-10)
The fact that God’s power is displayed in the weak is pretty encouraging. Though we realize our limitations, we will turn to God to see pathways for effectiveness. In admitting our weaknesses, we simply affirm God’s strength. And in that way, I feel God’s presence even that much more in my life. Back to the part of being caught up in life… It is extremely easy to let worldly things devour every part of your consciousness. No joke. School, friends, lovers, even past relationships will all come to haunt you- even if you welcome it. Its not easy to juggle it all, and no one ever said it would be, but it’s all about priorities. That is another thing I struggle with. Have you heard that “Life is a Temporary Assignment?”
Lord, remind me of how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. (Psalm 39:4)
So, when we flirt with the temptations of this world, God likes to call it Spiritual Adultery. Yeah, I can’t do anything right when it comes to being a devoted Christian, it seems. I’m trying. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. This explains (and this just occurred to me- maybe I’m behind) why some of God’s promises seem unfulfilled, some prayers seem unanswered, and some circumstances seem unfair. In order to keep us from becoming too attached to earth, God allows us to feel a significant amount of discontent and dissatisfaction in life. (And I am always complaining?) This isn’t the end. At death, we won’t leave home- we’ll go home.
All that is not eternal is eternally useless. – C.S. Lewis
I’ve been so caught up in myself lately, and it’s not a good feeling. After letting it all go, I started to realize the lives of everyone around me. It seems as if every person is struggling with something. No one’s problem is any worse or less than the other. I do a fair amount of praying, but I feel it isn’t enough. I would love to have more words of encouragement for every one of them. But I find myself telling them to talk to God about it, and I only hope they do. Turn to God, people. He listens. Let it go. I’m praying for all of you. And I love you all. I have more I could probably say about a few things new and old that keep popping up every day, but I’m leaving you with this:
Anyone who holds on to life just as it is, destroys that life. (John 12:25)
-Cierra Nicole
Chorus of angels, destroy my silence,
That haunts me, It claims me,
While darkness walks beside me.
