You can’t quit until you try
You can’t live until you die
You can’t learn to tell the truth
Until you learn to lie
You can’t breathe until you choke
You gotta laugh when you’re the joke
There’s nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive
Just open your eyes
Just open your eyes
And see that life is beautiful.
Will you swear on your life,
That no one will cry at my funeral?
I had a dream that I died. March 14, 2009…
I love Life’s humor. It has a great way of getting you to fall right back down when you’re inches away from the top. I loved this week because Life was laughing at me.
Let’s start off by restating how much I despise physics. Isn’t it true that in physics a bumblebee could not take flight? If not, then this just further demonstrates my lack of interest in the subject matter to begin with. My mind can not grasp it. Velocity, Magnitude, Speed, and Acceleration. Someone, please, tell me the difference between those four words. I cannot pick them out of a word problem (which is more like a paragraph) and place them into a formula to save my life. Even though this class proves itself in moderate difficulty to some (extreme difficulty to me), the professor takes no pity. Sometimes I do believe he could care less if his students pass, which is something that I believe defines the professor as good or bad.
Along with this so-called “physics” garbage torturing me throughout the week, I have another exciting class called Color Theory. And here I thought I was a deep person. This class is beyond deep. Here’s a topic we discussed for over an hour, and it was only cut short do to the fact the class was over: Is black and white a color? We discussed from “Yes, they are. The rods and cones of your eye picks them up and interprets them as such” to “No, they are not. In an additive light system, all the colors together produce white, yet black is the absence of light because it does not exist on the color wheel” back to “Yes, they are. The only absence of color you (don’t) see is when you shut your eyes. There, color does not exist because color only exists in your brain.” The end. So, yes, this class does a fair share of butt-kicking on me, too; however, I absolutely love this class despite its obsessive need for critical thinking. At least it makes sense to me. Now, how does that make sense?
So, I had a tough school week. Blah, blah, blah. College is supposed to be challenging or you’d never learn anything new from what you have already learned from high school. But this week in particular was extremely stressful. I truly wish Seymour High School had more funding. Maybe then would they be able to offer pre-interest college major classes such as GRAPHIC DESIGN, photography, maybe even a cosmetology class for all those girls who say that is one thing they definitely want to do, and then get into college and realize they hate it all and could care less what type of highlights brought out a person’s eye color. I’m really discouraged about that. I absolutely know nothing about Photoshop or Illustrator even… Especially when everyone else in the class has known the programs for years. Sigh. I’m behind, but so ahead at the same time. I’m old school. Pencil and paper is where it is at- Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise… (That’s what I keep telling myself.)
Anyways, Friday classes end. I’m actually excited about the fact that I had already completed most of my homework for the weekend- and by “most” I mean all. I have nothing particularly due on Monday. I just try to stay ahead for Wednesday and Friday classes. I decided that I could use the break away from school and enjoy the weekend back in Seymour. Possibly getting the chance to read “Every Young Woman’s Battle,” a new book I picked up for spiritual guidance on relationships. There is also a “Every Young Man’s Battle” by a different author. I will most likely end up reading it to see a Christian relationship from a man’s perspective, and I heard the books relate to one another very well. Basically, the woman in my book gives her testimony and then explains how Christianity is carried out in her marriage. She actually considers divorce because she believes her husband cannot fulfill all of her wants. But then her husband says something along the lines of “I am only human. If you acquired all of your wants from me, then you wouldn’t need God.” So then it goes on to explain how you have to rely on God for everything, and be thankful for what Christian relationship you are given because we are so flawed and it will never be perfect. For a few of you who are searching for the same answers, you should pick up this book. It’s relatively cheap on Amazon. Back to my story, I packed up all of my crap and threw it into the back of my car. I was excited. Haven’t been back in town for a good while, and was ready to get away from the roommates- No offense to them in any way. Right before I get out of town, just beginning to start my way down the interstate, I hear a loud sound that sounded like something had broken off my wheel and flung off onto the road. I looked in my rear-view mirror only to see cars slamming on their brakes and trying to get over. As the cars started to fly passed me, I noticed I couldn’t accelerate and then, almost suddenly, I lost control of my car- swerving across traffic on the right side into a ditch. I remind you this happened going about 70mph. Thank you, God. I had missed every car attempting to pass me, and where I had came to a stop ended up being a nice little spot for my car right off the road- Granted I was still so close to the road that I had to get out of my passenger side door. To make a long story short, I had a flat, had my car towed, and was brought back to my apartment by my brother. What a way to wrap up the week.
General thought about all of this: This sucked. After thinking further into it: Everything happens for a reason. I wasn’t meant to be out on the road that day, the Lord said so. This weekend actually turned out to be a lot better than I had originally imagined. Although I was “stuck” here, I had a lot of much needed alone time, completed even more homework, finished a novel I have been reading for the past few weeks, cleaned my room, and have had some great conversation with a few unexpected people which ended up making my day (along with becoming closer to an existing friend). Dave being one of them. He’s been the one person, oddly enough, I have kept in touch with the last few weeks about personal issues- even though it may not seem like we have talked much. I normally don’t get the chance to talk to anyone. Like I stated before in an earlier post: Over the past month, I have come to realize that I have lost contact with everyone I care for the most. This saddens me, but in no way have I tried to fix it. I have a lot going on in my life, and I would hope that they know it has nothing to do with them, it’s just me. As cliche as that sounds, I go through periods in which (I noticed) I cut off all contact with people who are close (as if in order to see what it is I am missing in life). And it usually always comes back to me being more social than I am spiritual. So, at least if you are someone who is close to me and might even read this on the regular you now know that in absence of our regular conversation, I am only spending more time with my Savior.
In the end, I wasn’t charged anything to get my car fixed- even for the tow truck- which I thought to be a little odd, but I’m not complaining… and I’ve had very revealing weekend. Finally got honest with myself. And I even noticed a few others have done the same.
Oh, the joy in finding humor in all seriousness.
-Cierra Nicole
